Raising your own children after experiencing adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) is a challenge.
Jonice Webb is a psychologist with a PhD and a practice around Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN).
The below is adapted from her book “Running on empty no more”, where she documents her work with clients with CEN in their past/present, to help them heal and transform their relationships.
Childhood emotional neglect (CEN) is “as simple in its definition as devastating is its effects”.
It is a sustained failure of parents/guardians to respond enough to the child’s emotional needs. The impact will be proportional to the amount of neglect experienced.
Three types of neglectful parents
The author proposes three types of parents that neglect their children emotionally. In every case, these parents will have a history of CEN themselves (at least).
– Well-meaning. These are the least damaging, since they don’t abuse their children in any way and have well organised lives with all the children’s needs covered – except emotional nurturing from authentic conversation, compassionate support or meaningful shared experiences.
– Struggling. These are also well-meaning, but also disorganised and unable to look after their children. They may be struggling with physical or mental issues. They can be more damaging, however they can also be the ones where an adult reconciliation is more possible since they are more aware of their struggles and shortcomings.
– Self-absorbed. These are the toxic parents that will not only neglect, but also abuse their children through manipulation, emotional blackmail, psychological intimidation and humiliation, physical aggression or sexual abuse. There can be a range of very different self-absorbed parents: alcoholics, narcissists and others with a history of deep trauma in their past. Children of self-absorbed parents will suffer a host of damaging consequences beyond those covered below to include PTSD, mood, personality or attachment disorders, addiction and a long etc including physical diseases.
How experiences of neglect affects parenting
Experiences of emotional neglect are confusing, disorientating and damaging for the children’s sense of self. The slowed down or halted emotional development that characterises adults with experience of neglect in their childhood prevents them from forming healthy relationships with ease, and those crucially involve with their children.
This table is for people who have had experienced emotional neglect in their childhood, and as such suffer from any of the below negative thoughts and feelings. By using this table you can gain awareness of your own barriers to parenting and develop strategies, seek support – and keep trying.
